Saturday, March 26, 2011
Well..I am ok now..it should not be happening again because I have stopped what was agitating it. But..I gotta say..that was one lesson I only need once. Many people may say that they will never take things for granted..and being human nature..they do...But...I WILL NOT..because I will always remember how it felt to not have a chance again..to be with the people I love..do the things I love..and what a gift...The gift to live when I was not supposed to..I have been given the chance my beautiful loved ones who passed from my life did not have.I can be alive...I can breath, see the stars..I can be with people I care about..I can say what I never could say before..do what I was scared to do before. I can have my little girl give me kisses on my nose..Hang with my teens...Yeah..trials will come up..but at least I will have trials.I LOVE LIVING..and I will get things right this time.I can be happy with the life I have even if it not how I want it.I had a major issue with the fact that I have been married and divorced..that was not my dream..that was not who I was supposed to be ..and it really made me feel bad about myself..but now I know that I was to be this way to make me who I am and I am fulled prepared to go and be happy with just my family and friends...and if that does happen..it will be the crowning glory on this amazing life I have.So..if I seem different..that is why...Please learn from me... your life is priceless...
Friday, February 18, 2011
In this day and times....it seems that most people do not start their families until the age I am now.. but me..I had my first baby when I was 21..and at the end of this year, that first baby will be a legal adult.
I do sometimes tease her that it is possible that her and I could be like "Father of the Bride" 2 and be all prego together..but seeing that I may not be in that situation again..I am thinking about her...and how she will be starting her life...
This is my hope for my kids..and thier kids.I pray that my kids get spouses that embrace parenthood..that my kids can share one of the most beautiful things with someone..not hold the brunt of it all while their spouse carries out their own little world.
I pray that if my daughters have their own babies, that they will have someone by their side that is complete awe of that little pregnant belly..and will want to share that miracle from the day that little line turns pink.
That will love the sound of that heartbeat, and love when that tummy jumps with baby movements.
I pray that my sons, if they choose this path will be of support to their wives in this..that they would stop at nothing to be holding her hand when that little cry is heard for the first time.
To hold this brand new life and kiss his wife's forehead and be so grateful for such a blessing.
I pray that they will understand that their child's heart is so much more important then the mess their kid just made...or the window they broke playing ball.
I pray that my kid(and their spouse) will remember that kids are kids...not little adults...that the effort their little ones took trying to take out the trash is worth a million times more than them being too little to lift the bag and having trash scattered all over the floor...or not being able to life the milk carton when pouring milk and having it spill EVERYWHERE.
I pray that no matter how tired they are..they can pick up a baseball and throw it a couple times..because someday...that precious opportunity will not be there.
It is my hope that they can look at the world through their child's eyes..and realize what common sense it is that the goldfish wanted to take a bath in the bath tub with bubble bath.
I pray that they will understand how important it is to play in the play area of chick fil a, since all the other kids are there...and not with a grumpy person that says no all the time.
I hope that every dandelion weed that their kids see as the most beautiful flower can be received with love...from the first to the millionth...and that even though blowing a white one and wishing on it...will result in MORE weeds growing...you do not rob them of this special childhood moment.
I hope they will watch with a smile in their heart when you hear 2 little feet sneaking to see if Santa has come...and just let them.
Enjoy every little dirty foot print as each is connected with someone who thinks you are their hero.
Say yes..more than no. Respect them...to earn their respect.Praise more than scold.
Go into parenthood as if it were the most amazing thing ever..and it will be.
Buy them those pointless expensive glow sticks when you go to see the firework display...for that will build a memory for them.
Do not see your child crying to you at night because of a nightmare as sleep lost...but an extra moment to snuggle. Seeing you at their little performances and programs builds their self esteem, and they will know you will always be there for them.
Make them your life...not the annoying thing next to whatever other goal you have....because in the end...that earthly goal is nothing...and the people that surround to celebrate your life..is EVERYTHING.
I will be the first to say how imperfect of a parent I am...but this is how I raised my kids..and I can guarantee if you asked them in private..they would say they are close to me..and we share a special love...
These are the little things I have learned along the way..and I am sure there will be more to add..
Live life.. do not just sit and watch it...be out in the middle of the action...not just observe..
If someday..my kids can feel the joy I feel now..
I know my life was how it was to be...
Saturday, January 22, 2011
|Cannot Believe Trevor is already 3!!!!|
|He has always been stuck on "Cars" but has recently loving "Toy Story" ALOT!!!|
|He tried..but did need help blowing out his candle|
|Nummy whipped cream frosting!!!|
|No problem opening presents THIS year|
|Got his "Woody"..just like a scene from the show..he LOVES it!!!!|
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
I can remember so clearly being in grade school. So many different teachers would plan some profound lesson on careers and always getting a pep talk on reaching for the stars and becoming great things. They would end their whole little meaningful talk by searching to see what a big change would come over us...what big dreams they had helped us build for the future...they would go around the room and have us reveal what amazing thing we were to be. There were Doctors and lawyers...such amazing aspirations coming from such little kids.Then...just as the teacher would get to me..eyes shining bright with a giant ego...they would ask me. From all the memories I can muster up...only I EVER gave this answer. I wanted to be a wife and mother.The teacher would clear their throat and chuckle..."No dear....if you could just automatically become ANYTHING in the world...what would it be?? Becoming annoyed I would repeat what I had just said. All my life all I ever really wanted was to be married and have kids. And really...as much crap as I would get for the deepest desire of my heart...is that not one of the most important things??Without good mommies..there would not be a need for anything else.I really did not dream much of a handsome prince and a castle...but just a plain old house..kissing husband as he went to work...spending the day teaching my kids and making my house a home. Now...I have had some experiences like this...I lived in this crazy little pink trailer...husband trotted off to work...and I was happy.But for some reason..my life does not have written that I have.."they lived happily ever after". I have come to the point where I just have to face that maybe marriage was only for one chapter in my book. For so long I held on to the dream because I have embedded gifts with relationships...how to make them special...how to keep a spark alive...making sure there is always something new...adding fun. But...unfortunately....this takes 2...and when your other just wants to come home...get in his jammies..and zone out in front of the tv....well...building good things really is not that possible.Now I like TV just as much as anyone...but being closed off...I do not.I want to live life...not just sit idle. The mommy part of my life has and is simply amazing...but there again...can be lonely if your other is not wanting to be part of it. I have had 5 kids...and not once have I seen any of my husbands eyes light up when my tummy jumped with baby kicks...I have seen some dads to be that just could not keep their hands off their wife's giant belly. I have seen my own brother with a new baby..putting him on a pillow and just staring in awe.I have never had someone go in the backyard and teach my kids to throw a baseball. Consistently tuck my kids in bed and read a story. How sad and lonely this is.Yes...you can be all alone and be married.But...my kids...they have saved my life. They make my life worth living...they make me who I am. And if I have to do it all alone...then so be it. Who am I??? I am a single mom. And I love that. If I am surprised someday to find a guy who really can go the distance...bring it on. But I do not want "prince charming" ..I want someone who can get right on there...roll up his sleeves...wipe the sweat from his brow and work side by side. Bring laughter in my home instead of yelling. Let my kids be kids.And when the day is done...hold my hand and know that we accomplished it all TOGETHER. Is there such a man??? Yes. Is there such a man for me? I am not sure.But right now....there are 5 of the most incredible people looking to ME. I take my mommyhood seriously...the greatest honor you can bestow upon me.I will not dwell on once upon a time...my life is now!!!!